Darth Vader, chairman of the Galactic Empire’s “Better Together” campaign, today warned Ewoks that removing the controversial Death Star from their homeworld of Endor would result in the loss of thousands of jobs.
“The Rebel threat has not gone away”, warned Lord Vader in his regular Daily Mail column, “In terms of uncertainty and potential risk it has, if anything, increased. What’s more, moving the Death Star to another location would come at the cost of thousands of jobs, which would be devastating to the local economy”. Continue reading
Now, we’ve heard of rehabilitation of offenders, but letting them stage a concert?
IT’S POLITICAL CORRECTNESS GONE MAD!
Judging by some of the other posts on this site, you might be forgiven for seeing me as some kind of seditious bounder, a treasonous jock with a disturbing Thomas Paine fetish. To tell the truth, you wouldn’t be entirely wrong.
However, in the interest of balance, allow me to take the side of our blue-blooded superiors for the duration of this post. Let me set aside my personal beliefs and offer some honest, heartfelt advice on how best to preserve that fine institution – the British Monarchy. Spoiler warning – it involves this guy… Continue reading
Friends, relatives and former servants of the Dark Lord Sauron today blasted organisers of a string of parties planned to coincide with the former statesman’s funeral. Social networks have been abuzz with men, elves, dwarves and hobbits planning impromptu celebrations, with many planned to coincide with Sauron’s official funeral, held today in Barad-Dur.
David Edwards, pictured in 1987
“Today is not a day to revel in the death of another being”, sighed David Edwards, former Communications Director under Sauron’s leadership, “Whatever your political views, we can all agree that we should set our differences aside and think of the family that have lost a relative”.
There’s been a bit of a stooshie today, caused by a fairly crass Scotland on Sunday piece and accompanying photo of a swastika photoshopped onto a saltire. A wholly predictable Twitter-storm followed, with people queuing up to be outraged, furiously tweeting and retweeting links to the undoubted delight of the editorial team.
Rather than get into another article full of bleating about how offensive those nasty unionist journalists have been, would it not be better to take a look at how disingenuous their attempted implication of the nationalist movement and the European far right actually is? Yeah, I thought so.
Quite simply, when you think of a disagreeable group waving a flag, which flag are they waving? It’s not a saltire, is it?
As a nice postscript to yesterday’s events, here is a timely reminder that not everybody is feeling the pinch…
Remember everybody, we’re all in this together…
Today, the most devastating blow of the independence referendum campaign was delivered by the Better Together team. In a Herald article by Magnus Gardham (which I won’t lend traffic to, but will direct you to Wings Over Scotland’s critique), prominent unionists including Willie Rennie pop up to warn us that an independent Scotland would be so wealthy that our EU contributions would increase as well.
Looks like a Republican sub-editor just won a bet!
In a courageous feat of investigative journalism (climbing through an open window of the Scotsman office), this reporter can exclusively reveal the most shocking tales set for publication by our national newspaper in 2013. Faint-hearted readers be warned – if you thought 2012′s scare stories were terrifying, you ain’t seen nothing yet! Continue reading
So, it’s now official. The world has become so bizarre that The Thick of It now looks like a serious Channel 4 drama. The Israeli Defense Force has been gleefully assaulting Gaza City, justifying the attack by going after Hamas. Oh, and they basically declared war via Twitter.